2020 – The Year I Finally Put Myself First!

My new year’s resolution this year was simple – be  more selfish! Yes you read that correctly. The truth is, we all spread ourselves thin trying to be a mother, a wife, a sister, a colleague, a friend. We take care of everyone else’s needs and very often we neglect our own. This results in us being stressed out and burnt out with no energy left to do the things we enjoy most.

This isn’t a ‘How To Be a Narcissist’ guide. Nor is it a ‘How to be an Adult Horrid Henry’ post. But it is for you; the one who puts everyone else first and often feels like a doormat of sorts. Pleasing yourself more often, is actually the most unselfish thing you can do because it will result in you being more on purpose and deliberate in everything thing you do, making you more authentic and real for those around you.

If we get an unexpected 5 minutes, chances are we think of that pile of laundry, or that call you didn’t make or email we didn’t respond to. We always put ourselves last on the list.Yet we read about all the buzzwords of selfcare, self love and wellness etc. Covid may have given you the time to self reflect and helped you to look at the things in your life that were taking up the most time. But if not, here are a few things to think about, to get your selfish on!

What do YOU want? – Stop and think what you actually want. Listen to your own needs and wants. Not how you can fit into someone else plans. Nobody knows you better than you, so turn up the dial on what feels right to do, instead of what you feel obliged to do.

Stop Worrying and Overthinking – Don’t worry about how your behaviour or outcome will effect others. That’s not your business, its theirs. Catch your mind every time it starts to wonder in the direction of worry. It gives you wrinkles!

Give Guilt the Flick – put your own happiness right on the top of your things to do list. Think of the example this will set for others; what you are teaching your kids, partners, colleagues, friends. Maybe it will help them to self reflect and start pleasing themselves first too. Why should you feel guilty about pursuing your own happiness? The people that love you will be happy when you are happy.

Start Saying No – how many times have you agreed to go somewhere and do something and you knew the minute the words were out of your mouth that you had no interest in going. Anxiety takes over and by the time you show up, you resent being there. Sometimes you will almost feel a sensation in your body. Listen to that feeling more.

Call a Taxi for Perfection – its time to go. We put pressure on ourselves to have things a certain way; the perfect way we imagined it in our heads. But all it does is brings anxiety if things don’t work out exactly as you planned. It also means the unexpected can put us over the edge and spoil things. Instead, accept that whatever happens is what was supposed to happen. Chances are when we have no expectations, we experience more joy.

Bye Bye Expectations – Don’t worry about how your behaviour or choices will effect others. That’s not your business, its theirs. Don’t absorb the job of managing peoples expectations of you.


I am not saying to turn your back on being empathetic, thoughtful and selfless. But for once be compassionate to yourself. Be compassionate and empathetic towards yourself; the one you neglect the most.